I am.

So the climate in the world right now is fucked up. Corona is still going strong, murder hornets are a thing (check this shit out), and police still at it with the unjustified killings of black people. One incident in particular, the death of George Floyd at the hands of the police, sparked a global movement that confronts this issue head-on. There have been multiple rallies throughout and calls for social reforms. Blackout Tuesday was created, petitions for legislation changes, defunding the police, pretty much an all-out call-to-arms to change this fucked up system this world has against black people, or pretty much anyone that isn’t white. It’s inspiring really to witness history firsthand and to see the power of society when people come together and create tangible change.

One guy created this video of himself to pretty much lay out what he’s about and what makes him him. It’s called the Tyler Merritt Project. He started off by saying, “Before you call the cops…” Then he goes on to share things about himself that other people would not know about him otherwise. I thought that it was a really neat thing to do. To introduce yourself candidly, to open yourself up to the world and make your existence known.

Cogito Ergo Sum, I think therefore I am. This is a philosophical idea that pretty much means that since I’m thinking original thoughts that means there is no doubt I exist. So I guess that’s where I’m going with this, to share with you my thoughts ergo my existence and who I am. Not by someone’s opinion of me or what you think I’m about based on what you see or perceive initially, but what I feel deep in my soul the things that make up me. This isn’t by any means an excuse for shit that would normally be considered wrong or some kind of justification for why I do things or how I act. I just want to share my self to you unfiltered and unashamed. So here I go.

I love being in love. I am a hopeless romantic. I know that’s not a popular personality trait among men but I didn’t get to choose how I would feel about love when I was born.

I don’t like confrontations. I would rather “forget” an issue than to talk about it and work it out.

I am all or nothing, sometimes to a fault. It’s definitely gotten me in difficult situations. It’s either the best or the worst. I sometimes find difficulty recognizing moderation or appreciating the state of “in-between”.

I absolutely love being a dad. I’ve always known that I wanted to be a dad, not just a father.

I like to play chess. I am rather good at it. If I play it more than pretty much once a year, and with someone challenging, I could be someone REALLY good.

I also like to play pool. I’m not even really sure why I’m good at it but I can just play it well. I’m not like a professional player or anything, I can just hold my own. I can play pool all day. I play even better sometimes sipping on something.

I love music. I know that’s everybody’s thing but I need you to know, I love music. A glass of whiskey in my chair with my record player on is an ideal night for me. I can play guitar and have a karaoke-acceptable singing voice.

I have a fear of flying. I didn’t have this fear until I after I had Eric, right around 24 years old. I would rather drive two days than fly for two hours. I hate it. I wish I never developed this fear because I love to just go. I would pay a million dollars for a guaranteed result of me getting over this fear.

I can’t swim. I can swim my self forward but once I stop, I drown. I wish I was taught how to swim because I envy people who can just jump off the side of a boat or a cliff.

I have a hard time explaining myself. It’s different in writing because I can take my time and process my thoughts but conversationally I wish I was better. I generally feel the need to explain what I’m trying to say.

I have “itchy feet”. I belong outside. It’s therapy for me to just go somewhere, anywhere. If I’m indoors for too long, I get restless and just in a shitty mood. I believe my boys have the same condition, especially Eric.

I can speak four languages essentially. English, Tagalog, and two other Filipino dialects, Ilonggo and Cebuano. I would like to learn more starting with Spanish but if I have to choose just one language to learn, I’d learn Italian.

I have an excitable fascination for fantastical worlds or “folklore”. My absolute favorite is the world created by Tolkien. Don’t get me started. I can probably start a blog or a series just on that topic alone.

I love the shit out of lamb. I can seriously eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and desert. Okay, only ONE thing that tops it, Kobe beef. I will only let myself indulge in having that expensive-ass yet extremely delicious piece of meat on my birthday.

I don’t think I have a serious pet peeve or things that annoy me. I can generally just default to not caring.

I enjoy having craft beers. I am no means a snob about other beers but I just prefer having drinks from craft breweries. I feel like there’s just this passion behind these drinks. My dream is to actually own my own business, to work for me,and I always gravitate to the idea of having my own brewery.

So of course a blog post can’t describe or portray who I am as a person but I’m glad for the attempt. If I just fall off the face of the earth, you can read this post and know that at one point in time, I existed, and these are some of the things that make my world go round. Hopefully, you have a general idea of me as a person. Have a craft beer with me sometimes and know more about me you wouldn’t get from this post, or not.

Anyways.